Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
