I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
