Umm I'm too high to move.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
