he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
