If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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