just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
