Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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