the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
