were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
