I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
