Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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