remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
