no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Quick, to the slutcave!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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