We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
