We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
