Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
