I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
