hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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