I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
