did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
