i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
