My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
