can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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