it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
