You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
