you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Two words: blizzard sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
