I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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