On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
