i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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