apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
