Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
