She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
