If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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