Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
