Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
