I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
