Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
