u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
