remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
