So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
