Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
