Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
