Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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