I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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