I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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