we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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