I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
