I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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