Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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