How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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