I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
