went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
All I want is dick and wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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