if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
