can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
