I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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