somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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