All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone signed my nipple.
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