apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
