made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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