I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
