Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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