beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
