You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
