im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
