I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
