So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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