Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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