My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
