Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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