It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
