You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
