Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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