i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
