3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm jealous of your bromance
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
