Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
