can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
