Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
