Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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