I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize