shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
